안녕하세요.저는 영어를 잘하지못하는 30대청년입니다.기술자로서 일하면서 틈틈히영어공부 조금씩하고있어요.저에게 한국계호주혼혈 여자친구가 있는데요.서로 호감표현은잘하고있고 사귀고있는 사이입니다.하지만 제가 영어실력이부족해 번역기로 소통을하며 그녀도 한국어를 조금씩 배우고있어요.저는 그런그녀에게 저의진심을 담은 손편지를 전하고싶어서 번역기를 열심히 사용해서 겨우겨우 편지를완성하였는데요. 문법이나 문장이 부적합한것이 있는지바꿔야하는 부분이 있는지 궁금합니다.영어 고수님들 부탁합니다. 감사합니다.[To.권별 ]From the very first moment I saw your face,my heart knew something it had never known before.It was quiet, gentle… but real.I had fallen in love with you.Even though our languages are different,your smile, your kindness, and your soul always spoke to me perfectly.You became a beautiful part of my every day—in messages, in photos, in thoughts.And now, I want to ask you with all my heart:Will you be my love?Will you walk beside me, as my partner, my best friend, my one and only?No matter what language we speak,my heart will always know how to love you.And I promise, I will keep learning how to love you better—every single day.I don’t know how…But the moment I saw you,my soul whispered:“There you are…I’ve been waiting for you for so long.Please… don’t lose her again.”With all my heart,Sang hun

From the very first moment I saw your face,

괜찮은데 I saw your face 보다는 I laid my eyes on you 가 더 시적 감각이 좋아보입니다.

my heart knew something it had never known before.

knew/known 보다는 felt/felt 가 더 낫겠습니다.

It was quiet, gentle… but real.

I had fallen in love with you.

Even though our languages are different,

your smile, your kindness, and your soul always spoke to me perfectly.

spoke가 아니고 speaks 여야 합니다. 왜냐면 아직도 사랑하는 사이잖아요?

You became a beautiful part of my every day—

everyday 한글자여야 합니다. 왜냐면 "나의 매일", 나의 일상, 이런 뜻으로 사용한 것이니까요.

in messages, in photos, in thoughts.

photos, and in thoughts. 라고 and 를 넣어줘야 합니다.

Aand now, I want to ask you with all my heart:

Will you be my love?

Will you walk beside me, as my partner, my best friend, my one and only?

No matter what language we speak,

my heart will always know how to love you.

And I promise, I will keep learning how to love you better—every single day.

I don’t know how…

But the moment I saw you,

my soul whispered:

“There you are…

I’ve been waiting for you for so long.

Please… don’t lose her again.”

문법적으론 틀리지 않았는데 don't lose her again 이라면.... 이미 그녀(전 사랑들이 아니라 지금 그녀)를 한번 놓친 적이 있었다는 뜻이 되는데요.

그리고 so long 보다는 all my life 라고 하는게 더 임팩트풀 하겠네요.

With all my heart,

Sang hun